Music: "Time to Wander" - Gypsy & The Cat

Summer is rapidly arriving in British Columbia so get your stoke on! Although some zones have seen change and destruction, our spirits cannot be defeated and we will always discover new adventures and glory!

Summer in BC
May 31st 2011
Word by James Hillier

I don't know about you, but camping seems fairly meaningless without a campfire. And if you're going to make a fire with a gang of friends, why not make a giant bonfire? That's how my friends and I think atleast. It is not unordinary for us to fill four truck-loads of wood for one night of fire. Excessive? Perhaps. Entertaining? Certainly. Dangerous? Absolutely not. We are professional pyromaniacs with a lifetime of experience burning things and years of studious education through Hollywood movies like Backdraft and Ladder 49.

The old maxim your mother always used to ask was "If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?" We were taught that the correct response was "NO". I have since learnt that my mother was wrong and that a more nuanced examination is appropriate. The most important issue is "What happened to your friend?" If they are dehabilitated and injured... probably best not to jump off the bridge. But if they are hooting and hollering about how great it was.... GERONIMO !

It has evolved to the point where jumping off a bridge is insufficient. If someone asks "If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?" we now respond, "Only if there is a trampoline involved."

One problem is that we live in an authoritarian society where some damn bureaucrat is always trying to tell us how to live and is always making decisions "for our own good". Especially when it comes to safety. Frankly, I'm a tired of living to the lowest common denominator of safety precaution. Just because some idiot might get to get hurt doesn't mean that I should not be able to do it. It just means that some idiot gets hurt and that the human race may benefit from the removal of low quality genes. So when I see signs that say "Extreme Danger" "Permanently Closed" "Man Eating Lion" and the such... I typically read them as directions to the fun zone.

Once you get to the fun zone, you need some toys to enhance the danger fun. Who can argue with the excellent value delivered per dollar by Wal Mart? I tell you what, without those supply side economics and unfair labour practices, you and I would not be having the incredible Explorer 200 inflatable boat sold for the low price of $19.99. Seriously.... try going to Canadian Tire instead, their boats suck.

The value is amazing, expecially when compared to the price of a full day river rafting expedition. Typically $150 per person per day. Tourists are equipped in proper safety equipment including wet suits, lifejackets, helmets, with 10 people per boat and two guides per boat.... Sounds uncomfortable, for $19.99, I have the luxury of piloting my own watercraft. Plus as the owner of a boat, I can legitimately demand that everyone refer to me as Captain.

Boy, were the tourists ever shocked to see us floating in the same class 3 rapids as them but with us in our Explorer 200s... They must have been dumbfounded to see Jon Unger floating through the rapids without any safety equipment or even a boat. He had been flipped out of his boat by an earlier rapid so he was relying entirely upon his cellulose body fat to keep him afloat. That's what he gets for buying a boat from Canadian Tire.

But at heart... the truth is that we really have safety at heart. One of our tribe is even the mastermind behind Acrobag, the world's leading supreme safety device to teach skiers, snowboarders, bikers, and general idiots how to do flips and other acrobatic shenanigans. He hasn't even killed anyone yet!

Heck, even I used to be a safety instructor. For a brief period, I was entrusted with the lives of developing children ages 6-12 as their trampoline and gymnastics coach. My favorite part of the job was grabbing the little rug rats by an arm and a leg and throwing them as far as I could into the foam pit while their parents nervously watched on. The kids loved me. Apprently they were having too much fun though because I didn't last very long at that job.

Remember kids.... Safety third!

Roasting marshmallows in Tofino

Boardwalk to Rainbow beach at Kennedy Lake, next to Redneck Beach.

Acrobag at Glacier Valley Farms in Squamish

Lincoln loop at the Pacific Rim highway cliffs on the way to Tofino

Waterslide at Lynn Canyon